Things I Never Foresaw Myself Saying (Before I Became a Mom)

Can you pick up this elephant?

Go tell your brother you are sorry for hitting him in the face with your light saber.

No, I've never had a penis.

No more broccoli until you eat your pizza.

Why is your alligator still in the kitchen?

Sure we can drive by and see the thumb.

Be very careful not to break Jesus.

Did you know it's not nice to ask someone why they got so fat?

Yes, Barack Obama and George Washington can use the potty.