Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Truth
C-sections suck. They do. I was trying to be all zen and no regrets and c'est la vie about it (I'm sure Eric's laughing about that but really at the beginning I was) but now I've become a realist, and the reality is c-sections suck. I can't even believe I have an adorable 2 week old daughter (6 pounds now!) and I haven't even been outside with her yet. Or that I have probably at least another month of recuperating. I know, poor me and my first world problems, but hell, what's the point of having a blog if you can't post about how sorry you feel for yourself?
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
A Daughter!!!
Hmm, the full story. I think whoever reads this knows enough about the leadup to Ellen's birth, so I'll skip that. Suffice it to say everything was going great until 36 weeks when they said she was measuring too small and they decided to induce.
On Tuesday we got to the hospital around 6am, got checked in, got hooked up to the iv, and I had a nurse who told me I had to stay in the bed. No idea why, I was only on pitocin. Fortunately her shift ended and my new nurse was fine with me sitting in the rocking chair. I'm trying to have no regrets about this whole birth story, because truly all's well that ends well, but one thing I really wish I had explored would have been coming in the night before, and (pardon me tmi but) getting cervidil to see if that would have jump-started my labor, rather than pitocin. I was induced with Liam, but I did not have pitocin with him, just cervidil. And that started labor for me. Now granted I was supposedly further along in the pregnancy with him, but he was my first and with Ellen I went into it 1 cm, which for me is a lot more than usual. But anyway, I didn't do that because ironically I didn't want to spend an extra night in the hospital.
So...there we were, me rocking in the rocking chair, Eric reading a magazine. Fast forward 4 or 5 hours, my contractions were pretty regular, starting to get a bit more severe, but I was only 3 cm. I decided shortly after that to get an epi because I didn't want to wait too long like I've done in the past and then be in crazy pain. But still after 6 hours I was only 3cm, and then the baby's heart rate started dropping during some contractions. That's happened to me before in at least a couple of my labors, but usually we've been able to just change the side I was lying on and that would fix it. With Aidan it got bad at the end, but I was so close to delivering him that the doctor was able to pretty much just reach in and pull him out. He had an extra long cord and it was wrapped around his neck, but it wasn't a problem.
At first every time I had a contraction that caused her heart rate to drop, she recovered quickly and it was pretty intermittent. But still at 3 cm the dropping heart rate started accompanying every contraction, no matter what position I was in, and the baby's heart rate didn't spring back so quickly as this wore on. It is absolutely terrifying listening to your baby's heartbeat slowing like that. They put an internal monitor on the baby's head to get a more precise idea of her heart rate, but that showed the same problem. It was very scary and at that point I actually hoped they were going to do a c-section because I knew there was no way we were going to make it like that to delivery. The nurses seemed to be thinking that same thing, and I'll spare you the heart racing details but they whisked me into the OR and began the c-section. I will also spare you the details of that, but suffice it to say OMG OMG OMG it is AWFUL. Awful. I really do not think I could have done that more than once. I bet if it was planned they would have more time to get pain meds in, and thank God I already had the epi, but it just was not enough. In the OR I continued to hear her heart rate slowing, even though they gave me meds to stop my contractions. I was definitely thinking there might be a bad outcome to this, and it's not inaccurate to say I was totally freaking out. They finally disconnected the monitor so I couldn't hear anything of her heartbeat. I listened to hear what they said as they took her out, and it was something long the lines of "Ah, that's why" And then something along the lines of "She had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck two times." I was so happy she was alive I missed the pronoun. Then it dawned on me and Eric we had a daughter. We spent the rest of the time in the hospital mostly refering to her as he. We're getting better at that now. :o)
Because of the c-section I only got to see her for a moment before they took her away. She got 8s on her apgars, which bucked the trend of 9s for all my boys. Because she was so little and her blood sugar was a notch below 40, they gave her formula while she was away from me. She's the first of my kids to ever get formula. She got it a few more times during our stay, which made me feel bad, but fortunately she did great with the colostrum and my milk came in fast so we didn't need too much of it. The recovery from a c-section is awfuler than I imagined, but having a sweet little healthy happy baby in my room more than made up for it.
However Thursday, just when I started feeling better and getting up a little bit more I thought, this is going much better. Within one minute of thinking that my stitches moved or something and started to bleed. I called the nurse. She gave me something, said it was ok and told me to apply pressure. Then she said we had to go to the nursery because Ellen failed the car seat test. I was worried that just walking to the nursery would make my stitches open. I really wasn't worried about the test itself. Babies under 2500 grams have to take a test to see if they can ride in a carseat for an hour and a half. After 10 minutes of the test for Ellen, her oxygen saturation got too low and she failed the test. At my hospital they recently changed the protocol so if that happens you are automatically admitted to the nicu for 48 hours. Did I mention there was also a Code Black the night before because of potential bad storms and tornadoes? I've never enjoyed being in the hospital but this was my least favorite experience of all. I'd had big plans that with this, my last baby, I was going to take advantage of my stay in the hospital and use it to rest and relax and read and even send the baby to the nursery at night and just have her brought in for feedings, and, no, none of that happened.
It could have been a lot worse though, because they were going to redo the carseat test on Sat night (the day I was dicharged) but then one of the doctors started to think they should keep her for a few more days of observation so she'd have a better chance of passing the test. I would have had a really hard time staying in her room for any number of days. Fortunately they didn't do that and when they gave her the test on Sat night she "passed with flying colors." The nurse said she was probably just still transitioning from being born when they gave her the original test, so I wish they would have given it to her later to begin with. She never required any oxygen or anything beyond just monitoring in the nicu, but it was a huge pain, literally and figuratively, because she wasn't in my room and I had to go down to her floor every two to three hours to nurse, which was especially hard because of the c-section recovery. And they also didn't explain what was happening very well and I thought they were saying her oxygen was bad and she wasn't doing well over all, and it was the second time I was afraid there was going to be a bad outcome. I actually required some medicine to calm me down because I was shaking so much. The nurse wanted to give me a sleeping pill but I was able to pull myself together and refuse that. If I had gray hairs before this week, they were nothing compared to what I'm sure I have now.
It's so nice to be home with all our kids and our family and friends have been unbelievably wonderful and helpful. I never really thought about c-sections and assumed that I would never have one, and I did not at all give enough credit to people who do because it is so hard. I feel so trapped in my own house and my own body with all the limitations there are. I had the c-section 8 days ago and just walked up the stairs for the first time and am not sure I'll be walking back down them again today. Is it too much to ask to take a shower? And why doesn't my house have a shower on the first floor? What was the architect thinking?!
But the bottom line is we came home with an adorable, sweet, happy wonderful baby, and that is what matters more than any other thing. At her 6 day checkup with he pediatrician she already regained her birth weight and then some, weighing in on Monday at 5 lbs. She is amazing!
On Tuesday we got to the hospital around 6am, got checked in, got hooked up to the iv, and I had a nurse who told me I had to stay in the bed. No idea why, I was only on pitocin. Fortunately her shift ended and my new nurse was fine with me sitting in the rocking chair. I'm trying to have no regrets about this whole birth story, because truly all's well that ends well, but one thing I really wish I had explored would have been coming in the night before, and (pardon me tmi but) getting cervidil to see if that would have jump-started my labor, rather than pitocin. I was induced with Liam, but I did not have pitocin with him, just cervidil. And that started labor for me. Now granted I was supposedly further along in the pregnancy with him, but he was my first and with Ellen I went into it 1 cm, which for me is a lot more than usual. But anyway, I didn't do that because ironically I didn't want to spend an extra night in the hospital.
So...there we were, me rocking in the rocking chair, Eric reading a magazine. Fast forward 4 or 5 hours, my contractions were pretty regular, starting to get a bit more severe, but I was only 3 cm. I decided shortly after that to get an epi because I didn't want to wait too long like I've done in the past and then be in crazy pain. But still after 6 hours I was only 3cm, and then the baby's heart rate started dropping during some contractions. That's happened to me before in at least a couple of my labors, but usually we've been able to just change the side I was lying on and that would fix it. With Aidan it got bad at the end, but I was so close to delivering him that the doctor was able to pretty much just reach in and pull him out. He had an extra long cord and it was wrapped around his neck, but it wasn't a problem.
At first every time I had a contraction that caused her heart rate to drop, she recovered quickly and it was pretty intermittent. But still at 3 cm the dropping heart rate started accompanying every contraction, no matter what position I was in, and the baby's heart rate didn't spring back so quickly as this wore on. It is absolutely terrifying listening to your baby's heartbeat slowing like that. They put an internal monitor on the baby's head to get a more precise idea of her heart rate, but that showed the same problem. It was very scary and at that point I actually hoped they were going to do a c-section because I knew there was no way we were going to make it like that to delivery. The nurses seemed to be thinking that same thing, and I'll spare you the heart racing details but they whisked me into the OR and began the c-section. I will also spare you the details of that, but suffice it to say OMG OMG OMG it is AWFUL. Awful. I really do not think I could have done that more than once. I bet if it was planned they would have more time to get pain meds in, and thank God I already had the epi, but it just was not enough. In the OR I continued to hear her heart rate slowing, even though they gave me meds to stop my contractions. I was definitely thinking there might be a bad outcome to this, and it's not inaccurate to say I was totally freaking out. They finally disconnected the monitor so I couldn't hear anything of her heartbeat. I listened to hear what they said as they took her out, and it was something long the lines of "Ah, that's why" And then something along the lines of "She had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck two times." I was so happy she was alive I missed the pronoun. Then it dawned on me and Eric we had a daughter. We spent the rest of the time in the hospital mostly refering to her as he. We're getting better at that now. :o)
Because of the c-section I only got to see her for a moment before they took her away. She got 8s on her apgars, which bucked the trend of 9s for all my boys. Because she was so little and her blood sugar was a notch below 40, they gave her formula while she was away from me. She's the first of my kids to ever get formula. She got it a few more times during our stay, which made me feel bad, but fortunately she did great with the colostrum and my milk came in fast so we didn't need too much of it. The recovery from a c-section is awfuler than I imagined, but having a sweet little healthy happy baby in my room more than made up for it.
However Thursday, just when I started feeling better and getting up a little bit more I thought, this is going much better. Within one minute of thinking that my stitches moved or something and started to bleed. I called the nurse. She gave me something, said it was ok and told me to apply pressure. Then she said we had to go to the nursery because Ellen failed the car seat test. I was worried that just walking to the nursery would make my stitches open. I really wasn't worried about the test itself. Babies under 2500 grams have to take a test to see if they can ride in a carseat for an hour and a half. After 10 minutes of the test for Ellen, her oxygen saturation got too low and she failed the test. At my hospital they recently changed the protocol so if that happens you are automatically admitted to the nicu for 48 hours. Did I mention there was also a Code Black the night before because of potential bad storms and tornadoes? I've never enjoyed being in the hospital but this was my least favorite experience of all. I'd had big plans that with this, my last baby, I was going to take advantage of my stay in the hospital and use it to rest and relax and read and even send the baby to the nursery at night and just have her brought in for feedings, and, no, none of that happened.
It could have been a lot worse though, because they were going to redo the carseat test on Sat night (the day I was dicharged) but then one of the doctors started to think they should keep her for a few more days of observation so she'd have a better chance of passing the test. I would have had a really hard time staying in her room for any number of days. Fortunately they didn't do that and when they gave her the test on Sat night she "passed with flying colors." The nurse said she was probably just still transitioning from being born when they gave her the original test, so I wish they would have given it to her later to begin with. She never required any oxygen or anything beyond just monitoring in the nicu, but it was a huge pain, literally and figuratively, because she wasn't in my room and I had to go down to her floor every two to three hours to nurse, which was especially hard because of the c-section recovery. And they also didn't explain what was happening very well and I thought they were saying her oxygen was bad and she wasn't doing well over all, and it was the second time I was afraid there was going to be a bad outcome. I actually required some medicine to calm me down because I was shaking so much. The nurse wanted to give me a sleeping pill but I was able to pull myself together and refuse that. If I had gray hairs before this week, they were nothing compared to what I'm sure I have now.
It's so nice to be home with all our kids and our family and friends have been unbelievably wonderful and helpful. I never really thought about c-sections and assumed that I would never have one, and I did not at all give enough credit to people who do because it is so hard. I feel so trapped in my own house and my own body with all the limitations there are. I had the c-section 8 days ago and just walked up the stairs for the first time and am not sure I'll be walking back down them again today. Is it too much to ask to take a shower? And why doesn't my house have a shower on the first floor? What was the architect thinking?!
But the bottom line is we came home with an adorable, sweet, happy wonderful baby, and that is what matters more than any other thing. At her 6 day checkup with he pediatrician she already regained her birth weight and then some, weighing in on Monday at 5 lbs. She is amazing!
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