The Little Joke That Couldn't

I started back at work last week. The transition seemed easier than it has before, just as the transition from 2 kids to 3 seems easier to me than from 1 kid to 2. It probably helps a lot that Liam and Brendan have each other to play. And truly the conversations they have with us and each other have to be some of the funniest things that have ever been said on this planet. But alas.

On my first week back I had to give a presentation with a coworker. We had pretty much hashed it all out before I went on leave, so it went rather smoothly, save for a few technical glitches we had no control over. When we broke for lunch all the staff went to a restaurant across the street. I sat with a group of people, including my coworker. I started eating while she was away from table the getting a drink. I bit into my wrap and thought, "Hmm, I ordered the veggie and this tastes like... chicken. Well it must be chicken-like tofu." And happily I continued eating. My coworker came to the table, sat down next to me and started looking at her sandwich. She was surprised it had mushrooms, because she can't eat mushrooms and there weren't supposed to be any mushrooms on her chicken...Ah! Oops! Yes, I am eating your chicken sandwich and I am an idiot. How did I think this obviously chickenly meat was tofu? Fortunately there were plenty more sandwiches left so she could have another. Fast forward to the end of our second presentation. We're packing up our things and I grab my papers and water bottle and leave. Slowly I remember I didn't bring a water bottle, and wonder why I am carrying this one. Hmm. Oh yes, it belongs to... So I go back and give it to her and try to make a little joke of it all, even though it was completely insignificant on every level. "What is the matter with me? hahaha" I say to her and another coworker. "What am I doing? Before you know it I'll be at the airport tomorrow picking up your husband!" I am met by blank stares. "hahaha I'll be shouting, 'Over here Honey, it's me, (stop Donna, stop talking now)...your wife!" Now the stares turn from blank to confusion and mild concern. "Um, hahaha, next thing you know I'll be killing you and completely taking over your life! ahahaha. ha." I am met now with two truly alarmed gazes, but my mouth is going much faster than my completely wrecked brain waves can handle. Stop, I try to tell myself, but the train wreck persists. "You know, hahaha, like what's that movie, or is it a book, no, I think it's a movie," (the alarm in their eyes is becoming much more palpable) "where that guy murders the other guy and tries to pretend he's that person? You know, and that would be like me, like I'm the one, who is it?, the Matt Damon character I think, and I'm trying to take over your life, see because I ate your sandwich and now I took your water..."
Sometimes, going back to work 2 1/2 months postpartum, is just a bad idea.