Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Truth
C-sections suck. They do. I was trying to be all zen and no regrets and c'est la vie about it (I'm sure Eric's laughing about that but really at the beginning I was) but now I've become a realist, and the reality is c-sections suck. I can't even believe I have an adorable 2 week old daughter (6 pounds now!) and I haven't even been outside with her yet. Or that I have probably at least another month of recuperating. I know, poor me and my first world problems, but hell, what's the point of having a blog if you can't post about how sorry you feel for yourself?
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
A Daughter!!!
Hmm, the full story. I think whoever reads this knows enough about the leadup to Ellen's birth, so I'll skip that. Suffice it to say everything was going great until 36 weeks when they said she was measuring too small and they decided to induce.
On Tuesday we got to the hospital around 6am, got checked in, got hooked up to the iv, and I had a nurse who told me I had to stay in the bed. No idea why, I was only on pitocin. Fortunately her shift ended and my new nurse was fine with me sitting in the rocking chair. I'm trying to have no regrets about this whole birth story, because truly all's well that ends well, but one thing I really wish I had explored would have been coming in the night before, and (pardon me tmi but) getting cervidil to see if that would have jump-started my labor, rather than pitocin. I was induced with Liam, but I did not have pitocin with him, just cervidil. And that started labor for me. Now granted I was supposedly further along in the pregnancy with him, but he was my first and with Ellen I went into it 1 cm, which for me is a lot more than usual. But anyway, I didn't do that because ironically I didn't want to spend an extra night in the hospital.
So...there we were, me rocking in the rocking chair, Eric reading a magazine. Fast forward 4 or 5 hours, my contractions were pretty regular, starting to get a bit more severe, but I was only 3 cm. I decided shortly after that to get an epi because I didn't want to wait too long like I've done in the past and then be in crazy pain. But still after 6 hours I was only 3cm, and then the baby's heart rate started dropping during some contractions. That's happened to me before in at least a couple of my labors, but usually we've been able to just change the side I was lying on and that would fix it. With Aidan it got bad at the end, but I was so close to delivering him that the doctor was able to pretty much just reach in and pull him out. He had an extra long cord and it was wrapped around his neck, but it wasn't a problem.
At first every time I had a contraction that caused her heart rate to drop, she recovered quickly and it was pretty intermittent. But still at 3 cm the dropping heart rate started accompanying every contraction, no matter what position I was in, and the baby's heart rate didn't spring back so quickly as this wore on. It is absolutely terrifying listening to your baby's heartbeat slowing like that. They put an internal monitor on the baby's head to get a more precise idea of her heart rate, but that showed the same problem. It was very scary and at that point I actually hoped they were going to do a c-section because I knew there was no way we were going to make it like that to delivery. The nurses seemed to be thinking that same thing, and I'll spare you the heart racing details but they whisked me into the OR and began the c-section. I will also spare you the details of that, but suffice it to say OMG OMG OMG it is AWFUL. Awful. I really do not think I could have done that more than once. I bet if it was planned they would have more time to get pain meds in, and thank God I already had the epi, but it just was not enough. In the OR I continued to hear her heart rate slowing, even though they gave me meds to stop my contractions. I was definitely thinking there might be a bad outcome to this, and it's not inaccurate to say I was totally freaking out. They finally disconnected the monitor so I couldn't hear anything of her heartbeat. I listened to hear what they said as they took her out, and it was something long the lines of "Ah, that's why" And then something along the lines of "She had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck two times." I was so happy she was alive I missed the pronoun. Then it dawned on me and Eric we had a daughter. We spent the rest of the time in the hospital mostly refering to her as he. We're getting better at that now. :o)
Because of the c-section I only got to see her for a moment before they took her away. She got 8s on her apgars, which bucked the trend of 9s for all my boys. Because she was so little and her blood sugar was a notch below 40, they gave her formula while she was away from me. She's the first of my kids to ever get formula. She got it a few more times during our stay, which made me feel bad, but fortunately she did great with the colostrum and my milk came in fast so we didn't need too much of it. The recovery from a c-section is awfuler than I imagined, but having a sweet little healthy happy baby in my room more than made up for it.
However Thursday, just when I started feeling better and getting up a little bit more I thought, this is going much better. Within one minute of thinking that my stitches moved or something and started to bleed. I called the nurse. She gave me something, said it was ok and told me to apply pressure. Then she said we had to go to the nursery because Ellen failed the car seat test. I was worried that just walking to the nursery would make my stitches open. I really wasn't worried about the test itself. Babies under 2500 grams have to take a test to see if they can ride in a carseat for an hour and a half. After 10 minutes of the test for Ellen, her oxygen saturation got too low and she failed the test. At my hospital they recently changed the protocol so if that happens you are automatically admitted to the nicu for 48 hours. Did I mention there was also a Code Black the night before because of potential bad storms and tornadoes? I've never enjoyed being in the hospital but this was my least favorite experience of all. I'd had big plans that with this, my last baby, I was going to take advantage of my stay in the hospital and use it to rest and relax and read and even send the baby to the nursery at night and just have her brought in for feedings, and, no, none of that happened.
It could have been a lot worse though, because they were going to redo the carseat test on Sat night (the day I was dicharged) but then one of the doctors started to think they should keep her for a few more days of observation so she'd have a better chance of passing the test. I would have had a really hard time staying in her room for any number of days. Fortunately they didn't do that and when they gave her the test on Sat night she "passed with flying colors." The nurse said she was probably just still transitioning from being born when they gave her the original test, so I wish they would have given it to her later to begin with. She never required any oxygen or anything beyond just monitoring in the nicu, but it was a huge pain, literally and figuratively, because she wasn't in my room and I had to go down to her floor every two to three hours to nurse, which was especially hard because of the c-section recovery. And they also didn't explain what was happening very well and I thought they were saying her oxygen was bad and she wasn't doing well over all, and it was the second time I was afraid there was going to be a bad outcome. I actually required some medicine to calm me down because I was shaking so much. The nurse wanted to give me a sleeping pill but I was able to pull myself together and refuse that. If I had gray hairs before this week, they were nothing compared to what I'm sure I have now.
It's so nice to be home with all our kids and our family and friends have been unbelievably wonderful and helpful. I never really thought about c-sections and assumed that I would never have one, and I did not at all give enough credit to people who do because it is so hard. I feel so trapped in my own house and my own body with all the limitations there are. I had the c-section 8 days ago and just walked up the stairs for the first time and am not sure I'll be walking back down them again today. Is it too much to ask to take a shower? And why doesn't my house have a shower on the first floor? What was the architect thinking?!
But the bottom line is we came home with an adorable, sweet, happy wonderful baby, and that is what matters more than any other thing. At her 6 day checkup with he pediatrician she already regained her birth weight and then some, weighing in on Monday at 5 lbs. She is amazing!
On Tuesday we got to the hospital around 6am, got checked in, got hooked up to the iv, and I had a nurse who told me I had to stay in the bed. No idea why, I was only on pitocin. Fortunately her shift ended and my new nurse was fine with me sitting in the rocking chair. I'm trying to have no regrets about this whole birth story, because truly all's well that ends well, but one thing I really wish I had explored would have been coming in the night before, and (pardon me tmi but) getting cervidil to see if that would have jump-started my labor, rather than pitocin. I was induced with Liam, but I did not have pitocin with him, just cervidil. And that started labor for me. Now granted I was supposedly further along in the pregnancy with him, but he was my first and with Ellen I went into it 1 cm, which for me is a lot more than usual. But anyway, I didn't do that because ironically I didn't want to spend an extra night in the hospital.
So...there we were, me rocking in the rocking chair, Eric reading a magazine. Fast forward 4 or 5 hours, my contractions were pretty regular, starting to get a bit more severe, but I was only 3 cm. I decided shortly after that to get an epi because I didn't want to wait too long like I've done in the past and then be in crazy pain. But still after 6 hours I was only 3cm, and then the baby's heart rate started dropping during some contractions. That's happened to me before in at least a couple of my labors, but usually we've been able to just change the side I was lying on and that would fix it. With Aidan it got bad at the end, but I was so close to delivering him that the doctor was able to pretty much just reach in and pull him out. He had an extra long cord and it was wrapped around his neck, but it wasn't a problem.
At first every time I had a contraction that caused her heart rate to drop, she recovered quickly and it was pretty intermittent. But still at 3 cm the dropping heart rate started accompanying every contraction, no matter what position I was in, and the baby's heart rate didn't spring back so quickly as this wore on. It is absolutely terrifying listening to your baby's heartbeat slowing like that. They put an internal monitor on the baby's head to get a more precise idea of her heart rate, but that showed the same problem. It was very scary and at that point I actually hoped they were going to do a c-section because I knew there was no way we were going to make it like that to delivery. The nurses seemed to be thinking that same thing, and I'll spare you the heart racing details but they whisked me into the OR and began the c-section. I will also spare you the details of that, but suffice it to say OMG OMG OMG it is AWFUL. Awful. I really do not think I could have done that more than once. I bet if it was planned they would have more time to get pain meds in, and thank God I already had the epi, but it just was not enough. In the OR I continued to hear her heart rate slowing, even though they gave me meds to stop my contractions. I was definitely thinking there might be a bad outcome to this, and it's not inaccurate to say I was totally freaking out. They finally disconnected the monitor so I couldn't hear anything of her heartbeat. I listened to hear what they said as they took her out, and it was something long the lines of "Ah, that's why" And then something along the lines of "She had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck two times." I was so happy she was alive I missed the pronoun. Then it dawned on me and Eric we had a daughter. We spent the rest of the time in the hospital mostly refering to her as he. We're getting better at that now. :o)
Because of the c-section I only got to see her for a moment before they took her away. She got 8s on her apgars, which bucked the trend of 9s for all my boys. Because she was so little and her blood sugar was a notch below 40, they gave her formula while she was away from me. She's the first of my kids to ever get formula. She got it a few more times during our stay, which made me feel bad, but fortunately she did great with the colostrum and my milk came in fast so we didn't need too much of it. The recovery from a c-section is awfuler than I imagined, but having a sweet little healthy happy baby in my room more than made up for it.
However Thursday, just when I started feeling better and getting up a little bit more I thought, this is going much better. Within one minute of thinking that my stitches moved or something and started to bleed. I called the nurse. She gave me something, said it was ok and told me to apply pressure. Then she said we had to go to the nursery because Ellen failed the car seat test. I was worried that just walking to the nursery would make my stitches open. I really wasn't worried about the test itself. Babies under 2500 grams have to take a test to see if they can ride in a carseat for an hour and a half. After 10 minutes of the test for Ellen, her oxygen saturation got too low and she failed the test. At my hospital they recently changed the protocol so if that happens you are automatically admitted to the nicu for 48 hours. Did I mention there was also a Code Black the night before because of potential bad storms and tornadoes? I've never enjoyed being in the hospital but this was my least favorite experience of all. I'd had big plans that with this, my last baby, I was going to take advantage of my stay in the hospital and use it to rest and relax and read and even send the baby to the nursery at night and just have her brought in for feedings, and, no, none of that happened.
It could have been a lot worse though, because they were going to redo the carseat test on Sat night (the day I was dicharged) but then one of the doctors started to think they should keep her for a few more days of observation so she'd have a better chance of passing the test. I would have had a really hard time staying in her room for any number of days. Fortunately they didn't do that and when they gave her the test on Sat night she "passed with flying colors." The nurse said she was probably just still transitioning from being born when they gave her the original test, so I wish they would have given it to her later to begin with. She never required any oxygen or anything beyond just monitoring in the nicu, but it was a huge pain, literally and figuratively, because she wasn't in my room and I had to go down to her floor every two to three hours to nurse, which was especially hard because of the c-section recovery. And they also didn't explain what was happening very well and I thought they were saying her oxygen was bad and she wasn't doing well over all, and it was the second time I was afraid there was going to be a bad outcome. I actually required some medicine to calm me down because I was shaking so much. The nurse wanted to give me a sleeping pill but I was able to pull myself together and refuse that. If I had gray hairs before this week, they were nothing compared to what I'm sure I have now.
It's so nice to be home with all our kids and our family and friends have been unbelievably wonderful and helpful. I never really thought about c-sections and assumed that I would never have one, and I did not at all give enough credit to people who do because it is so hard. I feel so trapped in my own house and my own body with all the limitations there are. I had the c-section 8 days ago and just walked up the stairs for the first time and am not sure I'll be walking back down them again today. Is it too much to ask to take a shower? And why doesn't my house have a shower on the first floor? What was the architect thinking?!
But the bottom line is we came home with an adorable, sweet, happy wonderful baby, and that is what matters more than any other thing. At her 6 day checkup with he pediatrician she already regained her birth weight and then some, weighing in on Monday at 5 lbs. She is amazing!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
:o)
This morning I asked Aidan who the president is. He couldn't remember. I said "Barack..." he still couldn't remember. I said "Barack O...." and he should "Obama! I LOVE Barack Obama. He says, 'Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.'"
Well, ok then!
Well, ok then!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Rainy Day Chicago, Take 3
I don't mind the rain, but can't the weather get just a little warmer?
So my test for GD was all good, 11 weeks of pregnancy to go, nothing more to say about that!
Booked our cottage for a week in August.
Have a large man connecting our tv antenna outside today, not sure why he wanted to come when it's raining but he thought it would take 2 hours and it took 4. I'm happy he's still alive, honestly. The best part of having workers over is that it is endless entertainment for the boys. I am thinking of taking Liam out of school early when we get our new roof so he can watch. Is that weird?
Liam is in 1.6k activities at the moment. Much as I try not to let that happen it just somehow does. Poor firstborn; it's all a learning curve with them. But there are a lot of advantages too. I wonder, they have all this research on your position in the family, oldest youngest middle. So will Brendan AND Aidan be middle? And in my family, are Diane through Linda and the 5 in between them the middle?
Time to switch the laundry, folks!
So my test for GD was all good, 11 weeks of pregnancy to go, nothing more to say about that!
Booked our cottage for a week in August.
Have a large man connecting our tv antenna outside today, not sure why he wanted to come when it's raining but he thought it would take 2 hours and it took 4. I'm happy he's still alive, honestly. The best part of having workers over is that it is endless entertainment for the boys. I am thinking of taking Liam out of school early when we get our new roof so he can watch. Is that weird?
Liam is in 1.6k activities at the moment. Much as I try not to let that happen it just somehow does. Poor firstborn; it's all a learning curve with them. But there are a lot of advantages too. I wonder, they have all this research on your position in the family, oldest youngest middle. So will Brendan AND Aidan be middle? And in my family, are Diane through Linda and the 5 in between them the middle?
Time to switch the laundry, folks!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Rambling Updates
Aidan - he really likes pickles. He likes them so much I feel I need to hide the jar so that my entire stock is not depleted.
Aidan will now refer to himself as Aidan (as opposed to AA), but continues to insist on calling his brothers LeeLee and Brenmahn.
Liam + cooped up during winter = bad combination. Now that we're sooo enmeshed in this neighborhood, I see yet another reason why we really need to move to California or Colorado. Oi vey.
I have my GD blood draw Monday and I hope hope hope I don't have that most of all because my nausea is so bad that I have to eat what I need to eat when I need to eat it, and I can't add any further restrictions to my diet than I already have imposed on myself. And I already feel like I am eating so much worse than my usual diet, because of the fact I am so sick, I will feel super guilty if it's affected my bloodsugar.
We are in the process of booking a weeklong trip to a beach in Michigan on homeaway. So excited! Some of the houses I really like were already booked (or $4000/week) and there were two I really liked but one only was available the 3rd week in August and we don't know yet when school starts. So we picked the other one that looks pretty rad but maybe a little less awesome of a beach and we'll see if they have the availability they said they do. I hope this new baby likes car rides!
There are a lot of people who have 3, 4 and even 5 kids. This makes me feel less like a reality tv show. Phew. That, plus NPR's advertising campaign - excellent.
Today is WARM! Today is SUNNY! Today I feel human. Oh, why are flurries in the forecast?
We went to Minneapolis last week to see the city and visit Eric's aunt. Rather successful trip, but getting in at midnight and getting home at 11pm Saturday night seriously wrecked up our schedules. Not recovered yet.
Oh, I conveniently forgot to mention that while I intended to book two nights in Minneapolis at a hotel I knew had no pool, then two nights at a hotel which I thought did have a pool, both our hotels had no pool. The bad time to learn this is when we're in the hotel room with the boys in their swimsuits. Ouch, that stings. We were on the 27th floor though, so that's cool - right? And instead of the pool we went to a Robotics competition at the university and the boys really loved it. The robots were throwing frisbees! Other highlights were:
- the flour mill tour, sounds lame but was eerily like the Guinness tour and the views were cool but don't believe it when you read you get fresh baked cookies in the end (which I was thinking sounded like an ok alternative to the Guinness I can't have anyway)
- hanging out with Eric's cool aunt
- exploring the city
- probably other stuff but I forgot
I still am nauseous morning til night, just in case you were wondering.
Aidan will now refer to himself as Aidan (as opposed to AA), but continues to insist on calling his brothers LeeLee and Brenmahn.
Liam + cooped up during winter = bad combination. Now that we're sooo enmeshed in this neighborhood, I see yet another reason why we really need to move to California or Colorado. Oi vey.
I have my GD blood draw Monday and I hope hope hope I don't have that most of all because my nausea is so bad that I have to eat what I need to eat when I need to eat it, and I can't add any further restrictions to my diet than I already have imposed on myself. And I already feel like I am eating so much worse than my usual diet, because of the fact I am so sick, I will feel super guilty if it's affected my bloodsugar.
We are in the process of booking a weeklong trip to a beach in Michigan on homeaway. So excited! Some of the houses I really like were already booked (or $4000/week) and there were two I really liked but one only was available the 3rd week in August and we don't know yet when school starts. So we picked the other one that looks pretty rad but maybe a little less awesome of a beach and we'll see if they have the availability they said they do. I hope this new baby likes car rides!
There are a lot of people who have 3, 4 and even 5 kids. This makes me feel less like a reality tv show. Phew. That, plus NPR's advertising campaign - excellent.
Today is WARM! Today is SUNNY! Today I feel human. Oh, why are flurries in the forecast?
We went to Minneapolis last week to see the city and visit Eric's aunt. Rather successful trip, but getting in at midnight and getting home at 11pm Saturday night seriously wrecked up our schedules. Not recovered yet.
Oh, I conveniently forgot to mention that while I intended to book two nights in Minneapolis at a hotel I knew had no pool, then two nights at a hotel which I thought did have a pool, both our hotels had no pool. The bad time to learn this is when we're in the hotel room with the boys in their swimsuits. Ouch, that stings. We were on the 27th floor though, so that's cool - right? And instead of the pool we went to a Robotics competition at the university and the boys really loved it. The robots were throwing frisbees! Other highlights were:
- the flour mill tour, sounds lame but was eerily like the Guinness tour and the views were cool but don't believe it when you read you get fresh baked cookies in the end (which I was thinking sounded like an ok alternative to the Guinness I can't have anyway)
- hanging out with Eric's cool aunt
- exploring the city
- probably other stuff but I forgot
I still am nauseous morning til night, just in case you were wondering.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
You Know?
You know how you have to roll down your window to unlock your door, and you forget every time? Oh, you don't? Oh. Ok.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
At the Diner on the Corner...
I'll say straightaway, I am a terrible restaurant patron. I am the customer who asks for what is not on the menu, then asks the waiter/waitress to hold the (insert 3 to 5 ingredients here) and put the (1 to 2 ingredients) on the side. I like eating only when things are just so, both food things and environment things. I have a lot of, um, peculiarities about food and if I don't enjoy my meal I DO NOT enjoy it. It's wonderful or terrible and no in between. I often end up getting the same thing every time from a certain restaurant because I know I will like it and when I experiment I am too likely to meet with disaster.
Eric and I love to take the boys out for dinner. That adds another level of challenge to any dining experience. Indeed. So this evening we walked over to a little Mexican restaurant that opened up last year just a few blocks from our house. (Short story long, a few years ago we saw some primping and goings-on happening a few blocks from our house on the street where there are many little shops. We thought it was going to be a little independent coffee shop. We were SOOOOO Extremely Excited (aside, I HATE when people say ginormous, yet I have no problem with myself writing SOOOOO.) It was even called something like Boulevard Cafe. I had visions of my true love, The Grind in Lincoln Square, once again located near to my home. Turns out it was an Eastern European white tablecloth restaurant. Bleh. If they would have asked me I would have told them sincerely there's no way that's working, don't even try, no one likes that sort of place. I was right. It closed.
Then lo and behold we got a fun, colorful, good tequila Mexican restaurant. So that's great. Like I said, I'm a weird eater and Mexican is not my favorite, but if I can pick and choose what my meal consists of then I can definitely enjoy Mexican food. Ok, so back to tonight. I asked for a meal they don't really have. I tweaked a menu item and the waitress said they could do it. The Big Clue this meal was not going to work out - there are five of us, one of her, and SHE DIDN'T USE A PEN AND PAPER. She was going to remember everything we said. I felt a tad concerned that on the list of ingredients for my food the only thing I had to say I didn't want was sour cream. Mustn't there be cheese too? But it wasn't listed on the menu and I was sure she'd have enough trouble remembering the whole order anyway so I didn't want to confuse her by verifying the ingredients. The boys are well behaved. The food comes. I see a solid ten minutes where I could eat my food in relative peace and drink ice cold water out of a thick, beautiful, iridescent blue glass. I cut open my dish. It is swimming in sour cream.
By the time the new food comes it's time to leave and I have to take it to go. It is not anywhere as good eating it at the dining room table. The thrill is gone. The moment has passed. My first world problem of the day, now here before you as a sorrowful, pathetic lament.
Oh, but in good news I have a patron at work who tells me I look like Laura San Giacomo. I used to hear that closer to the days when Just Shoot Me was on, but haven't heard it in a long time. I'll admit, it endeared me to him. Well that and the fact that he smiles and is nice and doesn't yell at me (it happens more than you would think, especially during tax season.) So today I had my hair up in a ponytail and he came up to the desk and said, "Well jeez, now you look like you're twelve years old." So silver lining, right?
Eric and I love to take the boys out for dinner. That adds another level of challenge to any dining experience. Indeed. So this evening we walked over to a little Mexican restaurant that opened up last year just a few blocks from our house. (Short story long, a few years ago we saw some primping and goings-on happening a few blocks from our house on the street where there are many little shops. We thought it was going to be a little independent coffee shop. We were SOOOOO Extremely Excited (aside, I HATE when people say ginormous, yet I have no problem with myself writing SOOOOO.) It was even called something like Boulevard Cafe. I had visions of my true love, The Grind in Lincoln Square, once again located near to my home. Turns out it was an Eastern European white tablecloth restaurant. Bleh. If they would have asked me I would have told them sincerely there's no way that's working, don't even try, no one likes that sort of place. I was right. It closed.
Then lo and behold we got a fun, colorful, good tequila Mexican restaurant. So that's great. Like I said, I'm a weird eater and Mexican is not my favorite, but if I can pick and choose what my meal consists of then I can definitely enjoy Mexican food. Ok, so back to tonight. I asked for a meal they don't really have. I tweaked a menu item and the waitress said they could do it. The Big Clue this meal was not going to work out - there are five of us, one of her, and SHE DIDN'T USE A PEN AND PAPER. She was going to remember everything we said. I felt a tad concerned that on the list of ingredients for my food the only thing I had to say I didn't want was sour cream. Mustn't there be cheese too? But it wasn't listed on the menu and I was sure she'd have enough trouble remembering the whole order anyway so I didn't want to confuse her by verifying the ingredients. The boys are well behaved. The food comes. I see a solid ten minutes where I could eat my food in relative peace and drink ice cold water out of a thick, beautiful, iridescent blue glass. I cut open my dish. It is swimming in sour cream.
By the time the new food comes it's time to leave and I have to take it to go. It is not anywhere as good eating it at the dining room table. The thrill is gone. The moment has passed. My first world problem of the day, now here before you as a sorrowful, pathetic lament.
Oh, but in good news I have a patron at work who tells me I look like Laura San Giacomo. I used to hear that closer to the days when Just Shoot Me was on, but haven't heard it in a long time. I'll admit, it endeared me to him. Well that and the fact that he smiles and is nice and doesn't yell at me (it happens more than you would think, especially during tax season.) So today I had my hair up in a ponytail and he came up to the desk and said, "Well jeez, now you look like you're twelve years old." So silver lining, right?
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